Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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