why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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