I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize