No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
