Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
