Just fell off a train. Bad.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
