There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
