shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
