My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
