I wanna passion pit in your ass
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
