I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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