What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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