Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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