so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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