Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
