I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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