ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
