Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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