Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
