the condom got lost in my hair
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
