his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
