Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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