so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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