I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize