Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
