my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
