Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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