There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
