You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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