oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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