dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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