can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
