I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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