He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
