i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Found your dick twin last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
