fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
