Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
