I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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