I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
