I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
