i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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