Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
