id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
