girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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