taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
