And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
