Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize