So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
