Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
