Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
