im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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