The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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