Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
