At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize