I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
