I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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