She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
