why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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