Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
