hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
