You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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