If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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