Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
