I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
