can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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