Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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