420 ftw
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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