Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
