I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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