ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
